Durable Rants
by Lucy Ellain
Summary: This is just my ranting about how difficult life can be, and how some of us girls are alone in this world. If you dont want a chickflick moment, dont read. Rated M for language.


Every girl has a crush on some famous actor. Whether he's twenty, thirty, or even forty years older than she is. Most of the girls that have the impossible crushes are either single and loving it, or they're over-weight girls who can't get a guy because the world is such a cruel judgmental place. They hope that the guy that they dream about every night and in every movie that they love can understand them. I speak from experience. I am one of those girls. I tend to go from one actor to another, and they've always been meaningless crushes. You never even really know the man to begin with, but the roles they play, or the way they are in an interview, you have this little hope that they can understand you, and maybe even love you for who you are. When we throw ourselves out into the slaughter like that, we have our spirits broken.

The men on the big screen are just as superficial as the ones that sit behind you in Chemistry. They only want beautiful anorexic women who wear a size two. In the end those of us who can't seem to shed those ten pounds are left to rot. Women who were of a big body size used to be practically worshipped, because we were the ones that would give birth to the healthiest babies, and live to tell about it to. Also even if we end up in a relationship it tends to be with a man who thinks himself almighty if he pushes you around. It'd be better if we just stayed single for the rest of our lives. I don't want it, shit I fear relationships. I know someone like that, though they've never been physically touched, the emotional abuse is still there.

I'm writing this out now to vent about my most recent crush on a famous actor, who though he was sweet enough to create a group of supporters to help gay friends cope, would treat me just as every other creature of the human male species would. Like utter and complete shit. Well, I can't seem to sink my teeth into a human guy, but my friend Bryant's dog Ziggy seems to like me just fine. A little more than I would like him to, if you catch my drift. The guy I keep referring to is Josh Hutcherson. Cute as HELL! Sadly the world isn't so kind. God gave me this body for a reason, and it probably involves keeping men away at all times. That's ok, like I said, I'm afraid of the term…love, but the want is still lingering under my skin. Sometimes it gets so bad that I feel like I'm drowning in boiling water. Why is a need so strong there if I don't want it?

Did God create an off switch for emotions? If so someone send him a text that I want it shut off, please. Seriously, if we don't want it, then why do we _want _it? I know that most girls my size want to find a man that suits them, and live happily ever after. Seems impossible anymore. Someone create a system of Reaping so I can put myself in the arena and fight to the death. That'll get my mind off of guy at least for a day or so. Sorry chick-peas, I know that we all want a guy, but in the end our own demons will drive them all away. Whether it's our fear, size, ethnicity, or whatever. The world is too cold to be able to find a lick of warmth within it. Yes, I have a deeply placed crush on Josh Hutcherson. I have since I saw him in _Zathura_ years ago, but it's not like he cares, am I right? He's got all those beautiful skinny women trailing after him in one of his top notch sports cars.

In total utter admittance, I myself have never been in a relationship, and never plan to be in one. A poet said that it was better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all. He means that it was better to experience the emotion and then lose it, but I find myself thinking, why hurt yourself by experiencing it when you can just keep back, and not get yourself hurt? You can never experience loss if you never know love. Though I find myself being a martyr, I pick up a love story and read it over, and over again until I fall asleep. _The Hunger Games _trilogyI have read almost seven times now. The crush deepens, and I find myself once again drowning.


End file.
